


'Til the Love Runs Out

by LotusFlair



Series: Magnus Season 5 Codas [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Apocalypse Roadtrip, Can't Resist Tying up emotional loose ends, Coda, Discussions of Suicide and Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Post-MAG 167, Probably some Spider Nonsense, Spoilers, Survivor Guilt, Trust, Will Likely Change after the next Episode, not entirely canon compliant, technically a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotusFlair/pseuds/LotusFlair
Summary: Sometimes curiosity gets the better of you. Sometimes there's just too much to process in the moment. For Jon and Martin, both are very true as they push on towards the Panopticon.ORJon and Martin do some walking and talking because what else are they going to do?
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Series: Magnus Season 5 Codas [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763854
Comments: 8
Kudos: 114





	'Til the Love Runs Out

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Love Runs Out" by One Republic. Story somewhat inspired by said song.
> 
> Also, I've done another Coda fic because I can't leave well enough alone when it comes to emotional loose ends. 
> 
> You can continue to find me @darling_sammy and visit my website, POP Archives, @ www.pop-archives.com

_I'll be your light, your match, your burning sun,_  
_I'll be the bright, and black, that's making you run._  
_And I feel alright, and we'll feel alright,_  
_'Cause we'll work it out, yeah we'll work it out._  
_I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt,_  
_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

It was another quiet stretch of their journey. There were more of them than Martin was comfortable with given what they'd just learned about Gertrude, her assistants, and endless revelations about the archives. Add to that Jon's continuing feelings of anger, shame, and now sadness and it was easy to predict where things might go if they didn't check in with each other again. The only wild card was Jon's current mood. His face was set with determination, but his eyes betrayed him. He was thinking about something. Obsessing over it, more likely, but Martin knew unless he prodded him a bit, then he wasn't going to be sharing any time soon. Despite his claims to the contrary, Jon was still learning how to be better at being vulnerable as a partner. In any other scenario, Martin would have been perfectly fine with his progress. It was slow going, but Jon was genuinely making an effort. Martin felt the flush of heat in his face and the increased rhythm of his heart at the thought that Jon was doing it for him. He'd never had a partner go to such lengths for him. He'd never really had anyone who cared enough to try.

Unfortunately, their nascent relationship had a flock of hurdles standing in their way. If they were going to get past them and make it to the Panopticon intact, then they'd need a boost in the right direction.

He decided to start with something small to cut through the tension. Asking the time seemed like a safe bet.

It wasn't.

"What would you like to know?" Jon asked before he could get a word out.

"Wait...how'd you -- Jon, we talked about this. You can't just barge in and--"

"I don't Know the question already," Jon said, defensively. "You have a thing where you sigh a bit before you start to ask a question. I jumped the gun. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound sorry."

"Don't I?"

"No. You sound upset."

"Hm...alright."

"Jon, what the hell? Are - are you mad at me?"

"Are you sure you want to know the answer to that?"

Martin felt the normally infinite well of patience he had for Jon drying up quickly. "That's uncalled for."

"No, I think it's entirely appropriate," Jon said. He stopped suddenly, turning to face Martin with a storm of fear, anger, and sadness in his eyes. "What do you want from me, Martin?"

"What?"

"I don't know the right path. I don't know...You want me to be emotionally available to you, but you set boundaries on everything I'm doing to deal with the fact that I ruined the world. You - you don't want me in your head, and I respect that, but then you keep asking questions--"

"There's nothing wrong with asking ques--"

"There is when you retreat from the answers you don't like!"

Jon dropped his bag, sagging against the gnarled tree they'd come upon. It was a grove of them, all twisted and bent in unnatural ways that called to mind every evil forest Martin had read about as a child. Slowly, Martin set his bag down, waiting for Jon to continue.

"You ask so many questions, Martin, and...I understand that you don't entirely get how the world works anymore, but I don't know what you want me to say to you either," he said.

Martin moved forward, his first instinct to comfort, but Jon moved away. "Jon..."

"I'm sorry I come off as ominous. I'm sorry I Know about your conversation with Annabelle! I'm sorry I basically held you captive when you asked about Gertrude! I'm sorry for everything!" Jon shouted.

Martin kept himself still, his own anger building. "Alright, Jon, I get it."

"I don't think you do," Jon said. "You don't get to use me as your Apocalyptic search engine one minute and chastise me for offering information the next. You don't get to curate your experience while leaving me holding the bag in the wake of your curiosity!"

"What?"

_I'll be your ghost, your game, your stadium._  
_I'll be your fifty thousand clapping like one_  
_And I feel alright, and I feel alright,_  
_'Cause I worked it out, yeah I worked it out._  
_I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt,_  
_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

"Why did you ask me about Angus?" Jon asked. There was a streak of desperation in his words, something Martin hadn't heard since the paranoia-filled weeks after Jane Prentiss attacked the archives.

"I - I - "

"Why did you ask about the assistants?"

"I needed to--"

"Why did you ask what I would've done if I'd known?"

"Because I need to know if you're still planning to stay with me at the end of all this!" Martin shouted.

Jon looked away, his gaze locked on the barren soil. Martin could see his breathing getting faster as he wrapped his arms around himself. He leaned into the tree for more support as his legs appeared to shake beneath him. It was killing Martin to watch him struggle, but he knew Jon wasn't going to accept his comfort. Not right now, at least.

"I know how much you've been hurting since the Change," Martin continued. "And I remember how you were before when you didn't understand your powers. How desperate and - and reckless you were because..."

"Say it," Jon said. He sounded pained, but they both knew he needed to hear the words.

"This isn't the first time I've had to worry about you being suicidal," Martin said.

Jon kept his eyes glued to the ground. "Every bone in my body is telling me that stopping Elias means dea--"

"I'm not an idiot, Jon," Martin snapped. "I know our chances of saving the world and getting some kind of - of happy ending are slim to none."

"Then why--?"

"I wanted to know if you'd fight for us. If you'd at least try to achieve that slim to none chance instead of it being a byproduct of your sacrifice," Martin said.

_There's a maniac out in front of me._  
_Got an angel on my shoulder, and Mephistopheles._  
_My momma raised me good, momma raised me right._  
_Momma said "do what you want, say prayers at night",_  
_And I'm saying them, cause I'm so devout._  
_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out, yeah._

Martin didn't think it was possible for Jon to look more miserable, but he managed it, nonetheless. Martin only found it endearing. For a man who kept himself so closed off Jon was horrendous at actually masking his very obvious emotions. Martin leaned against the opposite side of the tree. He let his arm hang loosely, fingers trailing along the decaying bark. It was an invitation he wasn't sure would be taken until he felt the delicate brush of fingertips in response.

"I remember when you and Basira went to Ny-Ålesund," Martin started. He felt the vibrations in Jon's fingers increase. Was he shaking? Martin let his hand move further back to give Jon more skin to skin contact. "Daisy was with me and when I found out you'd gone off to stop another ritual so soon after coming out of the coffin, I...God, Jon, I nearly lost it right then and there. Here I was trying to keep you safe and you were doing everything in your power to thwart my efforts."

"In my defense," Jon began, "I wasn't exactly aware of what you were doing. Or what you wanted."

Martin chuckled, sadly. The cycle of their actions were all too familiar. "No, you didn't. Daisy...she laid it out for me. Told me about how you were dealing with survivor's guilt. And why wouldn't you react that way after everything that happened? It was weird though."

"Why's that?"

"I...I felt so mad at you. Then it turned to sympathy. Then indifference," Martin said. The shiver he felt crawling up his spine at the memories of the Lonely disappeared almost immediately when he felt the warmth of Jon's hand in his. There was an encouraging squeeze and another brush of fingertips across his palm. "It took a long time for me to realize that...I was doing the same thing. Just quieter and...less noticeable."

Another squeeze, this one more forceful. "I - I noticed, Martin. I saw you. Even when you didn't want me to see you...I did."

"I know."

"I wish I could have given you the answer you wanted," Jon sighed.

Martin smiled to himself. "Actually, I'm pretty positive on the one you provided."

"How could 'I don't know' provide any peace of mind?" Jon asked.

"The tapes Elias sent." Another squeeze of fingers. Affirmation and anger. "You were dwelling on the 'what if' so much, like all the answers were right there and so obvious in hindsight. You blamed yourself for things that were so far out of your control. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to pull you back from the despair. And I know you still blame yourself, Jon. I know you're ashamed and - and sad, but...I asked you a 'what if' question and you couldn't say whether or not it would've made a difference."

He could hear Jon struggling to understand. "Martin, I..."

"The past is just that, Jon. We can only look at it and find regret or contentment or any number of emotions but we can't change it," Martin explained. "All we have now is what's ahead of us. In our case, a giant, intimidatingly ominous tower."

Jon laughed. It was like music.

"I never want you to think that you haven't earned the right to live, Jon," Martin said. He rounded the tree, tugging Jon towards him. Jon didn't resist, but he still kept his eyes low. Martin lifted his chin, smiling encouragingly as Jon eventually looked up. "You might think we'd all be better off without you but I think I can say, with some authority, that it's categorically untrue. I know I'm biased, but I like having you around."

Martin moved his free hand up to Jon's cheek, which Jon leaned into. He pressed a kiss into Martin's palm, bringing his own free hand up to cover Martin's before sliding it along Martin's arm in soothing, loving motions.

"How do you do that?" Jon asked.

"What?"

"Make it seem so easy?"

Martin shrugged, but it was impossible to hold back the uneasy laugh. "Jon, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Then...why do you seem so confident?" Jon asked.

"Because I...I trust you. I trust us," Martin said. He leaned in closer, pressing their foreheads together. "We've got this."

Jon wasn't sure if it was possible to love Martin more, but it was the easiest thing in the world to do. Even in the Apocalypse, even standing in a grove of painfully twisted trees, he found more room in his heart for the man in front of him. Jon knew he had a long way to go as far as forgiving himself for his actions over the years, but he also knew he could trust in Martin to keep him grounded. He was his reason, after all, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that trust was deserved. 

"We've got this," Jon repeated.

_I got my mind made up and I can't let go._  
_I'm killing every second 'til it sees my soul._  
_I'll be running, I'll be running,_  
_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._  
_And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,_  
_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._


End file.
